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You are male. You are by yourself. You are hungry.

Your tools: a can, a can opener, onion, hot sauce, and mustard.

Your prospects: excellent.

Sometimes I am by myself and I do not have Suzen here to help me, encourage me, or feed me. I happen to like my foods hot and sweet. You can’t live on chicken wings and chocolate chip cookies. Not all seven nights.

Regular canned baked beans are decent, but here’s the way to convert them into a truly interesting dish, for a side or for you main dish.

Just use regular beans but add to them. Seriously add to them. In the picture above, I show the big three contributions: dry mustard, Tabasco Sauce, and onion. Oh, you could add a sweetener, too, say sugar, but I did not put that in the photo. I’m on a diet. It’s in the recipe below though. The proportions here are approximate and you are perfectly free to use more, to use less, or to substitute: scallions, peppers, dice tomatoes, …

These beans are very simple to make and addictive. They will get you through until you see your wife again.

Brian’s Beans

Yield: 2 servings


  • 1 16-ounce can of bake beans [the bland normal style is fine, it’ll be fixed]
  • 1 medium onion, diced medium
  • 2+ tablespoons Tabasco Sauce
  • 1 tablespoon dry mustard
  • ½ cup brown sugar [optional but I think mandatory]
  • ½ cup molasses [optional but up to you]


Put all the ingredients in a saucepan and stir to mix. Then turn the heat to medium. Stir occasionally, making sure that the sugar melt.

Bring almost to a boil and simmer for two minutes.

Serve immediately.

These do store for the next day and lunch, in case she has not come home yet.


Source: Brian O’Rourke